I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
