I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
