I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
