I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
