i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
