You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize