shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
