Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
