why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize