just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
