Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
