Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
