i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
