How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
God I need to hump something, right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
