I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
