until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
