glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
