last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
