you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
