She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
