Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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