The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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