Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
