What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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