you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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