Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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