Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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