I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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