I wanna bring you to show and tell
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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