you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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