I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
