I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
