end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
