Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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