I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i now understand why vodka
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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