The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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