worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
