We're facebook friends in real life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
