I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
