So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize