I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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