So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
