I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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