I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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