fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
