I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
