I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
