shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
