Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
