shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No subtext here. People are naked.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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