Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
