Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
