he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
