did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
