brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
