my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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