i think my tv is drunk
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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