it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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