He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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