Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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