if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize