can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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