Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
