Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
