i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
