She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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