i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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