Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
