Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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