I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
