Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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