you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
